I Surrender

Yesterday J and I attended church like we regularly do on Sunday mornings, but something special happened in my heart. Something out of the ordinary.

During the opening prayer -take note, NOT after the message and just after two worship songs- God ripped my attention from myself and quickly placed my focus on Him. As the prayer began, the pastor encouraged us to surrender, to pause and to take a moment to admit our greatest barriers in order to better surrender to God. He then encouraged us to think about that which we need to surrender, to put it into a sentence "God I surrender..."

Wow, I had a lot on my mind that was weighing really heavy on my heart.

God, I surrender body consciousness. I surrender the way I question how you made me.

God, I surrender my doubtful heart, always second guessing your perfect ways.

God, I surrender all the fears and anxieties that wreak havoc in my heart.

God, I surrender my "perfect" plan that is full of many more holes than I can ever imagine.

God, I surrender the bitterness I bottle inside.

God, I surrender the pain I refuse to heal, I let keep emptying me of my joy.

God, I surrender my frustrations with my circumstances, it's about attitude not aptitude.

God, I surrender my timeline, my goals, my incessant mission.

God, I surrender my unwilling soul, my fighting spirit.

God, I surrender my excuses about why later, why not, why me.

God, I surrender my imperfections, and my obsession with them.

God, I surrender me. 

And with that surrender I take on a whole new perspective, a whole new life's mission, a whole new purpose... One that focuses on Him instead of me, on helping instead of receiving, on hope instead of darkness.