Monday, April 26, 2010

death alley, just as dangerous as the valley

i must begin with an apology for being an absent minded student, friend, writer, blogger, sister, child, follower. (fill in whatever works best for you in defining our relationship) sometimes i could swear that the fast forward button is being pushed and life is just scrambling by not making much sense just like movies do! and blogging affords me the chance to organize everything, but then i get too caught up in the chaos to slow down and reflect and write. i must get better. period.

well, i ran another half marathon yesterday. nothing special in that i’ve done it so many times now i can’t count them all on one hand, but there was something very different (special is NOT the right word) about yesterday. i wasn’t feeling well at the start and in fact emptied the contents of my stomach out of my mouth publically… that was an experience in itself. but that was not even the beginning of it.

come mile 12, the last little leg of a 13.1 mile race, i felt tired but hopeful to get to the end when that all came crashing down. at the end of the water stop a man lay lifeless on the ground while a group of volunteers vigorously pump his chest to maintain circulation. next thing i know a man comes running from a nearby tennis club with an aed and they prepare to jumpstart his heart. oh boy, i have never been this close to death. as i turn the corner i pray to God to help him (whoever he is) since i know that i have nothing to offer.

like an immediate answer to prayer there is an ambulance parked just around the bend. i am jogging up the hill (a run was too much to ask at this point!) to let the paramedics know there was a man in need being revived down the hill, when i realize the helpers are already helping another man’s heart with cpr. even more so than before, i have never been this close to death.

at this point it seems appropriate to stop jogging and gather myself (being the hot mess i already am, more puke or some tears seems hardly reasonable). as i am walking up the rest of the street i remember my mom telling me she would meet me at the top of the final downhill. we would finish together like we always do. so time to run again, i come over the crest of the hill and she’s not there. i run through the crowded finish and still no mom. a fire truck flies by lights and sirens blaring. no mom. i cross the line, no smile, no mom.

at this point, i am in a full panic. i just hung out with the grim reaper for a mile and now my mom, my BEST friend ever, is missing. bordering on hysteria, i hear my name and turn to find my mom in her orange top that is identical to mine. wow, a whole new hysteria ensues. thank God she is here. literally i am thanking Him.

but i never leave it this simple do i? nope. last night as i lay in bed i could not help but reflect on the ups and downs (geographically and emotionally) i had experienced in just a single day. i was glad that death was just something i got to run by, not something i had to fight like the emts, or watch like the volunteers, or deal with like the fallen runners. but the ultimate face down with death happened with Jesus on the cross. He didn’t run by it, or fight it, or deal with it. no he conquered it. Jesus put the grim reaper out of business.

in matthew 27:46, as Jesus is hanging on the cross he is looking death in the eye and feeling the energy and life drain from his body, he cries out:

"“Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" that is, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?"”

now, my mom being missing does not mean she had forsaken me (she was stuck in the runner’s trough because of the security guards), but i felt for a moment the fear, the sadness, the worry of losing a relationship with a parent. it is by no means near the brokenness Christ felt inside, however, it did bring my heart right back to Him. in that same vein, God never forsake Christ, He just had to serve as a guard for the rest of mankind. He was obligated, just like my mom. remember this in times of feeling forsaken by Him. He has a greater plan, He has beaten death, and He will do what is best, not just for you, but for all.

song of the day:
you’re not alone
by: meredith andrews

“you’re not alone for i am here
let me wipe away your every fear
my love, i’ve never left your side
i have seen you through the darkest night”

He means it. for both you and me in synchronicitie.


chris said... Best Blogger Tips

it make have been a very challenging run but you definetly knocked the experience out of the park. so sorry security was such an issue. love you and eagerly await Gods greater plan...what is best for us all.