My Greatest Demon

I'm not so sure about you, but I know that I can pretend everything's perfect when it's really not. I'm good at telling myself, "No Amber, that's not you" or "It's ok Amber, you don't have a problem." I may not have a problem, but I have a little demon that sits on my shoulder and whispers mean things in my ear. Just like the little guys in cartoon characters.

My greatest demon is body image. I grew up playing soccer and never had to think twice about what I was eating. My freshman year of college was marked with much bad "dorm food" and the eradication of any kind of working out. When I moved home from my freshman year carrying fifteen pounds more than I left with, I realized it was time to take myself more seriously.

I hit the road hard. Running three miles at first, quickly building to five, and then growing higher and higher in number from there. I rushed a sorority and realized that all the really cute girls were skinny. I wasn't super cute, but I ran a lot so I stayed thin.

Two and a half years later and I'm running like mad now... Six miles is a short day and working out at the gym to get the killer arms my wedding dress seems to call for... But I'm not at that skinny sorority girl weight. And every time I look in the mirror I see that extra pudge around my waistline only to be frustrated.

I'm not overweight by anyone else's standards (well maybe some...), but I have no problem looking into the mirror and seeing so many things I wish I could correct. Probably more that I wish I could fix than that with which I am satisfied.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; 

male and female he created them." 

-Genesis 1:27

Growing up in church I have always heard that God made our bodies, thus we should love them as His creation. Well, I love my body because it's a useful tool that God made for me to use... But I don't like that I can't shape and sculpt it to look "perfect" (whatever that means). I have been praying what seems like constantly for God to rip that little demon from my shoulder and place him far, far, far from here, but God is showing me that I can tell that demon "No." It's that simple, just saying no.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden form you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."

-Psalm 139:13-16

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. God knows my frame. He knows those little pockets of fat. He knows the unwanted pimples and follicles that I despise. But the difference between God and I: He loves  dearly my greatest (and tiniest) imperfections. In fact, it's through those most hated parts of me that He acts so greatly through. In fact, the parts of me I love the most, I happen to take for granted... Leading the "loved" to be lessonless.

I'm beautiful because He made me so. Little demon, be gone, I'm a beautiful babe of His.

Practically some tips I have found helpful to dealing with body image issues and frustrations:
1. Listen to your body and eat when it needs fuel.
2. Know that your size is genetic and environmental... Not everyone can be a size 0.
3. Exercise regularly in a way that you love.
4. Know that weight changes in cycles that run weekly and monthly.
5. Work on being gentle mentally... Treat your body right in your mind.
6. Ask for support and encouragement from friends. In return, be honest and vulnerable with them.
7. Decide where your priorities lie. Would you rather spend an hour at the gym getting the "perfect bod" or walk and chat with a close friend?
8. Mental health effects physical well-being... Take time for your mind.

What's your greatest demon? 

What are your practical ways to deal with your demon? 

Let me know, I will pray for your fight... And please, please pray for mine.